So I didn’t realize the steering fluid was dry—I was too worried about my transmission to pay attention. Filled it up but steering still not working. This morning I realized the belt was off. The way it is with this van, one belt controls a bunch of stuff. Hopefully my handy mechanic friend can put it back on. That should fix it…I think.
I need to keep the van running…or something because I may have a high paying job coming up but I will need to run back and forth a lot for it….I don’t think I can do it by bike….just a little too far away to ride there and back and be on time for my appointments.
None of this drama with the van is necessary though. I’ve probably said this before but I am very bad about saving money. I should have head enough money by now…after three years of not paying rent, to have bought a better van.
It’s embarrassing to admit, even anonymously, to learn how immature I really am. And THIS after raising two children! I know I’m in good company though-we live in a land of plenty and most of us really never had to learn to be super frugal.
Even when I was raising my kids, if I screwed up on my finances, something would happen that would save me OR sometimes I would just pay a late fee and everything would be hunky dory. Obviously though, this is not a good way to live. All it takes is a prolonged bout of unemployment to decimate you.
There’s more. I have a confession to make. I have been virtually supporting a man for the last year. It costs me a lot. It just adds up. Food, tobacco (I KNOW, I’m an idiot!) etc. So I have finally made the decision to not do this anymore. It is SO hard for me. I am afraid he won’t care about me anymore. OBVIOUSLY, if he doesn’t, then it isn’t a desirable situation but…women have married and stayed with men for money/material things for a long time so it’s not unheard of. And it’s not like I’m completely unattractive to men and have to do this.
I can even remember as a young woman of hearing of (not unattractive) younger (in their 20s) ladies financially supporting their men. What does it mean? Does it really mean a woman has low self-esteem if she does this? Or does it just mean, she likes this particular man and want to keep him around?
For me, I think most of this problem stems from my not being comfortable having money. It’s like it is trash and I have to get rid of it as fast as possible. Intellectually, I know it’s not trash. These days, it represents a lot of hard work, facing fears etc. It’s not easy running your own business and depending only on yourself for it. Still, I always spend or give away my money almost as fast as I make it. I feel selfish having a lot of money that I’m not currently using. Weird huh?
So my friend C says that she is willing to hold money for me like a bank if I want. She did it before with me for a small amount and it worked out fine. My mom would do it for me too, if I asked but I don’t like sending money through the mail and C is right here in town. So I guess I will try this with C.
This is all so embarrassing…BUT I am forcing myself to be open (anonymously haha) about this so perhaps I can get better. This would be a huge growth spurt for me.
Thanks for reading. I hope to get advice on this too, if you have any.
Do you guys save money? How much money in the bank would make you comfortable?