Loneliness Part 2 (was it 2 or 3?)

I strongly feel like writing this morning.  Not that what I have to say is important to the world but I just feel a lot of words jumbled up in my brain and I want to get some of them “on paper” in case there’s something interesting or helpful in there for my readers!

I’ve been kind of behind on things this week.  As I write this, I’m at the laundry mat.  My clothes and blankets are tumbling in the drier so I think I have about a half hour to write this.  I’m behind on things because I’ve been a little obsessed with something.  Aloneness.  It’s bizarre because I’m hardly ever alone for very long.

I visited with another neighbor last night.  It was her birthday and I went to drop off a birthday card at her place and she invited me in.  She had birthday cards galore that her friends had sent her, set up on her entertainment center.  Her family and a friend had brought her out to lunch earlier in the day and since she has just had surgery there have been women coming by all the time to bring her meals and visit with her.  Yet, whenever I talk to her she complains that no one does anything for her.

This lady reminds me of me.  I have so many nice people in my life but it never seems to be enough.  I think the problem is, I’ve become a little obsessed with meeting a man and getting married.  I know, I’m terribly old-fashioned but that’s what I want.

My daughters were 5 and 12 when I got divorced, so raising them and surviving financially was my obsession for a long time.  I only had one boyfriend while they were growing up but we actually didn’t see each other all that much as he lived rather far away.  As long as I had my daughters there to take care of, I wasn’t very lonely.  Even in their later years, when they were out and about with their busy social lives, I felt needed at home.  I kept the home fires burning, as they say.

Since I knew my youngest daughter would be leaving for college soon, I started thinking more about men last year.  I read up on dating, and signed up for free dating websites.  Now I find myself impatient because I haven’t found (or been found by) the man I’m supposed to marry (if there is one).  I’m so impatient!  Sometimes I think I should just forget it.  There are a million other things I could be doing and thinking about.

I know one thing for sure.  Like my friend who just had a birthday, I need to be grateful for the people I DO have in my life and I need to nurture those relationships.  AND I need to stop obsessing!  I need to find the fine line between wanting something and being consumed with desire (uh oh, that’s sounds kind of sexual…oh well…).

As always, thanks for listening.  It means the world to me!

About Maureen, Living in a Van

I'm a free-sleeper living in a van in the prettiest part of the world. I do this partly due to financial circumstances and partly because I love a good adventure.
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2 Responses to Loneliness Part 2 (was it 2 or 3?)

  1. robin martinez says:

    Hi. I recently retired. I joined VanDweller and have read many posts on how this lifestyle can be enjoyed and shared. However, I have not read a SINGLE post on being single and alone on the road! It almost seems like everybody is AVOIDING the subject! Anyway, I don’t mind saying it would be GREAT if I were to meet a woman I can share this experience with. NO, I am NOT making a pass at you. We don’t even know each other. As a GUY, just wanted you to know you are NOT alone in thinking about this same very same subject. Good luck.

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