Hiding

One of the hardest parts for me of being a free-sleeper (AKA homeless) was hiding the fact that I didn’t have a normal home.  I knew that people would think bad things about me if they knew.  Most would think I was a substance abuser, crazy, lazy or stupid.  I didn’t want people to think badly of me.  Maybe that’s stupid but I AM trying to work in this town!

Because of this I hid a lot.  I jumped into the back of my van at night as soon as I arrived at my sleep spot so know one would notice me sleeping there.  I was careful not to leave my van sliding door open too long where prying eyes might see my bedding.  Things like that.

I got used to hiding and I’m finding that I’m hiding a little still even though I’m housed.

We don’t have enough room in our trash cans-they come from the city and you have to pay more if you want a bigger one or an extra one.  Rather than talk to my landlady about it, I just take my trash out to a dumpster behind a building and upload it.  This is illegal!  But I’d rather sneak around and risk getting yelled at or even cited than deal with my landlady.

I also get afraid I’m doing too much laundry so I try to do it late at night or when no one is around.

Maybe I AM a little mentally ill.  Oh well!

I’m in the house a lot.  I worry that they’ll get tired of seeing me.  Weird!  Ya so I’m an odd duck but you guys knew that already.

Thanks for coming back!

About Maureen, Living in a Van

I'm a free-sleeper living in a van in the prettiest part of the world. I do this partly due to financial circumstances and partly because I love a good adventure.
This entry was posted in budget, cops, drugs, Housing, police. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Hiding

  1. Calvin Rittenhouse says:

    I would not attempt to diagnose or judge anyone else’s mental illness. I come from a different viewpoint.

    If we go back far enough in my history, I have been some of what you fear others judging you to be. Specifically, substance abuser, “crazy,” and apparently lazy. One of my major lessons in recovering from all that is about fear. The fear itself is more harmful than almost anything I have feared. Unchecked fear has everything to do with my reaching a movie-of-the-week state of misery that led to a life I appreciate and mostly enjoy regardless of what others do. In order to get from that misery to a life that fits comfortably, I had to sharply limit the level and type of actions I take from fear. Ironically enough, that includes the events that scare me the most, such as an encounter a few months ago with a bully big and tough enough to snap me in half. Acting on my fear would have brought me physical harm. Acting from a calm assessment of the situation (not feeling it, just acting on knowledge) kept me physically safe and let me be proud of my conduct.

    (I’m not including reasonable prudence in this. I check the weather before I go walking, dress properly and speak nicely in work settings, etc.)

    • Maureen, Living in a Van says:

      Hi Calvin, thanks for writing. Yes, fear is the biggest enemy. It can make ya crazy!

  2. Ryu says:

    Ha. It’s good practice.

    I do many of those same things. My neighbors are all narcs and snitches. Seems like the more I talk to them, the more trouble I get into.

    • Maureen, Living in a Van says:

      There are those in my neighborhood too. They are always running to the HOA about minor infractions. Get a life, losers! I haven’t dealt with them yet but my landlady is in a war with them. I’m trying to stay neutral and not talk to the neighbors to much. Just hi and bye.

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