Do Homeless People Have Addictions?

Confession time.  I have addictions.  The first step is admitting you have a problem right?  Here they are:  Coffee.  The Internet.  Restaurant Food.  I will waste scads of time and money that I can’t afford on these three items.  I may as well use drugs for all the damage this causes me.  I suspect the “mean people” who look down on homeless people might be right, at least in my case.  Maybe I really am lazy and shiftless, addicted, mentally ill.

It’s 9 am (although I will probably post this later).  I’m sitting unwashed in a McDonalds, furiously trying to get an internet connection (it keeps dropping).   I don’t have makeup on, so my high Irish color is visible.  In other words, my face is pretty red.  I probably look like an alcoholic.  I just ate a 1010 calorie McDonald’s breakfast DELUXE with two cups of coffee.  Later I will need more caffeine when this fix wears off.  I discovered last night that I have blown through…. A LOT of extra money I had.  This is the main reason I’m so mad at myself this morning.

I feel like a need a recovery program to learn how to live life like a normal person.  I’m not very productive at all.  I’m harming my body with bad food and too much caffeine.  I’m not getting enough exercise.

Good news.  My friend M says I can take a shower at her house while she’s at church.  We already had plans to do something this afternoon.  So I don’t have to go to the gym with all the functioning people in order to shower.

More on the plus side, I have been writing in this blog almost every day.  I’ve been told all my life that I’m a good writer.  I don’t quite believe it but maybe if I keep writing it will be true someday.  I have a nice little business and a nice little job.  The two together more or less cover my expenses.

I’m also glad I’m getting more honest in this blog.  Maybe it will save my life or someone else’s.  I guess it’s worth baring my soul this way even if the world knows I’m a train wreck.  Oh well, it’s not like I’m using my real name or anything.

I have GOALS for God’s sake.  Lots of them.  But lately when I have money in my pocket or time on my hands I forget everything but the enjoyment…no…the satisfaction of the moment.  I think a lot of it is loneliness.  Even though I see people a lot, I just don’t like living alone and I use these crutches, the internet, food and caffeine, to get through it.  Well, the caffeine is for waking up and staying awake…an actual physical addiction.

Thanks for reading my pathetic little communication today.  Have any of you ever been in a slump or had bad habits that were bringing you down?  If so, I’d love to hear how you got out of it or improved yourself.


About Maureen, Living in a Van

I'm a free-sleeper living in a van in the prettiest part of the world. I do this partly due to financial circumstances and partly because I love a good adventure.
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7 Responses to Do Homeless People Have Addictions?

  1. Ryu says:

    Are you eating at McDonalds because it is cheap and convenient? I like price and convenience too. If only they served real food. I never acquired the coffee bug. I think one has to pick it up by 18 or one never catches it. Never been in a Starbuck.

    Everybody has addictions, the question is whether the things are good or bad. Maybe it’s good to be addicted to hard work or exercise and bad to be addicted to drugs.

    One foot in front of the other. So much of life is surviving the day. I have moods but as I get older I ignore them because they change in a few days. The bigger question is, what are you alive for? Why do you exist? The older one gets, the more important this question becomes. After a time, you’ve seen it all and known it all. I believe many die because they lose the will to live.

    I won’t let you off the hook, but much of this is societal. Things are coming to a head though, and the current mode of life cannot go on for much longer. There are many lonely people, individual human atoms with no connections to their time or their nation. When you write about loneliness, I see another example of this. New ways must be built and you can help.

    I don’t think women do as well with being alone as men do. It reminds me of this song:

  2. I’ve found the best way not to blow money is to set up an automatic savings program with my bank. Each month on a particular date there is a certain amount being withdrawn from my checking account and deposited into my savings account. If you have a checking account please set up an automatic savings program. Around the date you’ll pick for the transfer, you’ll remember to go easy on the spending. Works for me and I’m someone that can spend money fast. Knowing that I only have so much funds in my checking account around the middle of the month slows down the impulse buying for the rest of the month.

    Maureen, you live so close to danger almost all the time. There could be a big emergency medical bill just around the corner or a couple of blown tires from running over nails on the street. Not to scare you, but a blown engine gasket (lots of billowy white smoke out the tailpipe as oil and water mix in the cylinders) or cracked engine head (engine runs weak and very rough after warmed up) is common in older vehicles. Costs about the same as a total engine rebuild to get it fixed, too.

    You gotta put some of these dark feelings of loneliness aside for a while and start to save the bucks. Even $25 a month saved adds up to $300 a year. That would buy a couple of decent tires or three economy tires. I’d try to wait for the deal where you buy three tires and get one free. Have you tried couponing? The Sunday paper here in Mississippi is filled with coupons from fast food places, especially the chicken or pizza places. What would normally cost $8 is sometimes sold for $5. The Sunday paper could be worth the $2 to $3 investment. If I were homeless, I’d be couponing from newspapers, magazines, and off the Internet like crazy. Between hunting, fishing, and gathering wild edible greens or hen of the woods fungi from the forest, couponing would be my other method of hunting for currency as well as working out of several temp job agencies.

  3. Ryu says:

    That is a great idea.

    I sometime work as a card counter. If you go to casinos or especially Las Vegas, they have coupons for everything. I know of at least one man who lives for free there – however, he is HARDCORE. He tears into garbage cans to find discarded coupons, in dumpsters, and so on.

    • Maureen says:

      Sounds like another addiction (the coupon guy)!

      I have gotten coupons here and there from clients who get the Sunday paper. I could get more if I were more assertive about it.

      I wish I could get coupons for the food I’m actually supposed to eat (plain deli type meat with no nitrates or nitrites, rice crackers, organic vegetables, organic lental soup from a can, etc.) but you are right, if I’m going to eat junk, I should at least try to save money.

      I guess I’m a bit spoiled. I only recently started eating off the dollar menu!

      Point taken about money saving. I think about it all the time. My van makes funny noises. I think something’s wrong with the CV joint(s) and I think it will cost around $300 to fix. Ugh! I have a housesitting job over Christmas that will pay well so that money is earmarked for the CV joints.

      As far as the lonliness goes…well I guess I’ll post about it…this comment is starting to look like a post!

    • Maureen says:

      Thank you so much MG. Must say, a couple of those sites aren’t actually helpful with finding any organic food coupons that meet my particular needs ( I shouldn’t drink or eat dairy or products with gluten in them). Some of the sites use search key words to attract traffic to their sites but don’t actually deliver any coupons at all. I DID however sign up for Newsletters in the hopes of getting coupons from Organic Valley, Amy’s (LOVE their Lentil Soup), Horizon Organics (I don’t drink milk but I might buy eggs from time to time, I guess), and Kiss my Face(for natural soap and skincare) and bookmarked Organic Valley, Knudsen Family, Muir Glen, Santa Cruz and Simply Organic so I can check on future promotions. Thanks again.

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