Approval Seeking

I’m not hanging around D anymore.  It’s been a couple of days. 

I notice that when I’m on my own, I always seek out human interaction.  If I am not immediately accepted I tend to feel bad.  It’s not good to be so approval seeking.

This morning I sought approval/interaction with a couple of homeless people I know.  They always say hello to me but today I tried to get them in a conversation and they were having none of it.  They looked tired.  I guess a lot of homeless people are just caught up in their own business and don’t have the energy for others.  There were a lot of homeless people around…waiting in line for something…but no one was talking to each other. 

There are also trust issues.  Even among the more normal of us free-sleepers, there are probably some neurosis.  Just having the title “homeless” is a head trip, I think.  That’s why I have always called my situation free-sleeping.  It is so much more empowering.  I am not operating from a lack or a -less.  I am getting something for free because I’m not caught up in needing a house or apartment for security.

Still, as I’ve mentioned recently, I am ready to move on from this experience.  I LOVE that I have been a successful free-sleeper.  I will never have to fear “homelessness” because I know I can survive it and even enjoy my life while free-sleeping. 

The reason I want to be housed is so I can live with someone or someones.  I don’t like feeling alone in the world, especially at night. 

I also miss privacy.  A shower, my own toilet etc.  I like being able to touch my toes for a stretch without anyone looking at me and wondering what I’m doing.  I like being able to get up at any hour of the night if I can’t sleep and jumping on the computer or reading for awhile without worrying about anyone seeing my light. 

A friend suggested I ask another friend who lives in a lovely home if I can rent a room from her for cheap.  (like around $400)  I seriously considered doing this.  Then I sat down with my budget again andrealized (again) if I did this, I wouldn’t have money to improve my business, buy clothes, fix my van, or do anything but eat and sleep. 

So, I’ve got to improve my business A LOT so I can earn more money.

I am sloooowly raising my prices for current clients-if I go too quickly I will lose them.  And I am trying to bring new clients on at better prices.  I need to be a Premier ________(what I do for business) not the Budget ___________.

So I am doing a bunch of things that don’t cost a whole lot, that will put me (I hope) into that category.

It is mentally hard for me to push myself like this.  But I ask myself, why are some people, that have the same business as me, making twice (or more) as much money than me? 

Well, I guess I’d better get to work now.  Thanks for reading.

About Maureen, Living in a Van

I'm a free-sleeper living in a van in the prettiest part of the world. I do this partly due to financial circumstances and partly because I love a good adventure.
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One Response to Approval Seeking

  1. Ryu says:

    Can you push your free sleeping even further?

    Right now, you use certain security measures. Try lowering them and seeing if you are still alright. See how low you can go, where the threshold is.

    Any skill not used, deteriorates. You may come to look down on the homeless, the middle class does.

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