Living in my Van

I got a call today offering me the job that I interviewed for. I decided to take the job because I feel like Yahweh (God) must want me to have it.  Here are the pros and cons of taking this job.

Cons-40+ hours a week of work.  Boring, boring work.  Possibly bad people that I have to see everyday for hours at a time.  Being tired all the time.  I always get really, really tired when I work these types of jobs.  Being busy all the time.  Having to squeeze in errands at night when I’m exhausted or on the weekend.  Oh gosh, I’d better talk about the pros right now before I change my mind!

Pros-I’ll make a few hundred dollars a month more than I’m making now with a good bit of room for advancement.  I will have paid vacation/sick time.  (For years, I’ve had a hard time getting away for vacations such as visiting my mom because I haven’t had paid vacations and couldn’t afford to take time off).  Career advancement.  It’s a field that is interesting to me.  Not at the current “clerk” level but in the advanced areas.  If I’m going to do this, I might as well take classes and advance.  Why not.  Americans need to thrive and I’m an American.  Why flounder?  I will meet new people.  One of two of them could become my best friends ever!  I love making new friends!

I’m starting in a couple of weeks.  I’m going to go in with a reasonable attitude.  What I mean is, I’m going in with my eyes wide open.  I know it MAY be a dead end job.  I have to go in knowing that. BUT if it is, I can always use the job as a stepping stone to something better.  There’s a reason Yahweh had me receive this job out of the blue.  I didn’t seek it out, so there’s got to be a meaningful reason.

Also, if nothing else, I will have more money.  My current plan is to continue fixing the van and get my teeth fixed.  Oh, did I forget to mention?  I’m going to keep free-sleeping in my van.  You didn’t think I’d blow all my newfound, hard earned money on rent and utilities did you?  After my van and teeth are in decent shape, I will start saving.  As I mentioned in the past, I want to buy a property somewhere.  Somewhere cheap.  Then I’ll park my van there and live happily ever after.  Hahaha, just kidding….maybe I’ll set up a pup tent. 

One of my daughters is in town so we are going to have a picnic on the lake.  I’m housesitting and we are spending a good bit of time together.  It is good.

I’ve sort have been in shock lately over the death of my friend so haven’t written much.

I guess I’m used to van living again.  Every morning when I wake up I see something different out  the side window of my van.  Sometimes an orange from a nearby orange tree.  Sometimes a morning glory growing up the side of a wall.  And sometimes, if I’ve slept a bit late, a beautiful blue sky. I’m always relieved and grateful to have made it safely through the night.  Some nights when I’m trying to sleep, I imagine I hear noises and it makes it hard to go to sleep.  So when morning comes and no one has bothered me in any way, I’m pleasantly surprised.  That may sound dramatic but it’s really how I feel.

That said, I’m housesitting for the next two weeks starting tomorrow night so I guess I’m going to be snugasabuginarug for a little while again.

My daugher is visiting from school and will stay with me.

Last night she started crying and telling me what a good mom I am.  It made me feel good to hear her say that.

I am super sleepy now…so sleepy my legs are all jittery.  Nitey nite!

My day was going okay.  I went to a  second job interview and it went well.  My van’s running good.  I’m super busy and I like it that way, for the most part.  Then I found out that a friend of mine died tragically.  He was one of the bravest and best people I’ve known and I will miss him.

I began driving me van today and my brakes went COMPLETELY out on me.  Fixing tomorrow.  Might be under $200.  I think I found a decent mechanic who won’t cheat me too bad.

I have been putting off getting my van fixed for a long time.  I’ve got to get my CV joints fixed (replaced I guess) TODAY because the van is starting to pull to one side when I’m driving and that is SUPER scary. I don’t want to kill someone.

It’s going to cost $350 which I have.  I’ve had extra money for a while that my mom sent me for at least a month but I’m afraid to spend it.

I live in constant paralyzing fear.  I try to ignore it and call it other things but it’s still there.  For example, every job I’ve worked at, I’ve given 110%.  I’ve worked countless upaid hours because I was afraid of losing my job.  If anything, my stress level, because of trying to do everything perfectly probably made me very difficult to work with and I probably came close to being fired for THAT.

I’m so tired of being afraid.  I claim to be a Christian so where is my faith?

The interview went good.  They want me to come back for another one.  There was a small earthquake nearby during the interview too.  It was a 3.9.  We barely blink anymore when these little ones happen.

If I take this job, (which I’m about 90% sure will be offered to me) I will be working for sort of a subsidiary of a small bank.  Most bankers are evil, greedy bastards but I’m told this bank is different.  Oh there goes my language again.  If I want their health/dental plan, I will have to pay $280 a month out of my meager hourly pay.  Not sure if it’s worth it although I DO need some dental work done (of course, I will have huge co-pays or whatever for that too, I’m sure).

I’m kinda tempted to take it.  I like the lady that called me about the position and interviewed me.  She seems pretty human.

I am feeling very angry this morning.  There are a lot of evil creatures in this world and  good people do nothing to stop them.  From this:

http://www.cbssports.com/nba/blog/eye-on-basketball/18768524/metta-world-peace-apologizes-for-brutal-elbow-to-head-of-james-harden  (Watch the video-”Meta World Peace” is a freaking animal)

to this:

http://www.truthistreason.net/atk-wins-dhs-ammunition-contract-for-450-million-rounds-haydens-note-attached (Because we have 450 million terrorists in the country?  BULLSHIT)

Sorry for my bad language but I’m going to let it stand because I am furious right now.

I should probably go on a break from watching and reading the news for a while.

Just spent about three hours trying to organize my storage unit.

I have too many clothes.  Like many women, I have fat clothes and skinny clothes.  I’m wearing fat clothes now and when I lose weight (please God!) I will fit in the skinny clothes but will save the fat clothes in case I get fat again.  I have A LOT of skinny clothes taking up space.  I often buy skinny clothes or take freebies people give me for the day I will be skinny again.

So I either need to get serious about getting into my skinny clothes or get rid of them.  There a 5 big boxes of skinny clothes. Course, once I get into my skinny clothes I’ll likely start collect clothes the next size down to get into.

I also have a lot of books I’ve never read.  Purses, shoes, survival food, stuff from my political activism and on and on.

Anyone tired of hearing about my storage problems yet?  Sorry to bore you.  I must confess, it seems like van quarters require almost as much attention as my condo did.

Maybe it just seems that way.

Other than that, I’m liking the van living this time around.  I don’t think about it that much and I’m sleeping good at night.  I like my little mattress and you all know how much I love my sleeping bag.

I’ll try to write again tomorrow after my horrible interview.  I have what most would consider a bad attitude.  I don’t know what to do about that, if anything.  Is it wrong to not want to work for people that expect you to work like a machine.  I’ve worked in places like that before and I don’t expect this place to be any different.  I’ll do my best tomorrow and see how it goes.  I can always quit if I don’t like it.

Thanks everyone for your good advice.

I’m going to look for a bike at the goodwill and maybe hit some yardsales.  Believe it or not, the Goodwill and other thrift shops in my neighborhood are a little pricier than you would think because it’s trendy to go “thrifting” now!  So I think a yardsale or craigslist might be the thing.  I’ll look at the Goodwill though…I’m there at least once a week. (I’m so trendy!  Ha!)  I’ll also need a helmet a lock and apparently, some tools. Oh, ouch.  Just looked at Craigslist.  Not much in my price range there.  Problem is, a few years ago, I picked up a decent bike at a yardsale for 5 BUCKS!  It rusted  away on my back porch.  Now I’m looking for a similar deal but perhaps I’m not being realistic.  Doh!  It’s not like 5 dollar bikes come along every day!

Ok, I’ll stay at the meat market gym.  I DO like men.  A lot.  I just feel a little weird sometimes working out with guys around.  It’s not because they are looking at me.  To be honest (gulp) as I’m getting older, I get less attention than I used to and that’s kind of hard for a lady.  Gosh I hate being honest about that but this is a blog and it’s boring if I don’t share my real feelings once in a while.  If I was married, I wouldn’t care so much about this but sometimes I fear I will never meet anyone appropriate and get married again.  I meet people from time to time, but no one that’s right for me.  So being at the gym somehow makes me feel time is running out for me.  It’s silly though because I know of women older than me that have remarried and are very happy.  So I just need to get over this and not spend over $200 more a year to avoid men and these feelings.  Gosh this is an embarrassing post!!

Speaking of men, there is a gentleman on Facebook from another state that thinks he wants to marry me and wants to fly out to meet me.  One woman friend of mine says I should get to know him better over the phone first before allowing that.  BUT, I’m thinking, what’s the harm of having him come out and going on a couple of dates with him?  I’m not going to go to his hotel room or anything (unless we run off to Vegas and get married first, hehehe!).  I should add, I know someone who knows him personally and my friend had very good things to say about him.  He’s not a COMPLETE stranger.  What say ye, internet friends?

Finally, the least important topic.  Work.  The 4 letter word.  I have an interview at 10am tomorrow for that horrible job.  I don’t know why I’m even interviewing.  They are going to have to tell me some amazing things to make me want to work for them.  I sound so cocky, don’t I ?  Oh well.