I’m not hanging around D anymore. It’s been a couple of days.
I notice that when I’m on my own, I always seek out human interaction. If I am not immediately accepted I tend to feel bad. It’s not good to be so approval seeking.
This morning I sought approval/interaction with a couple of homeless people I know. They always say hello to me but today I tried to get them in a conversation and they were having none of it. They looked tired. I guess a lot of homeless people are just caught up in their own business and don’t have the energy for others. There were a lot of homeless people around…waiting in line for something…but no one was talking to each other.
There are also trust issues. Even among the more normal of us free-sleepers, there are probably some neurosis. Just having the title “homeless” is a head trip, I think. That’s why I have always called my situation free-sleeping. It is so much more empowering. I am not operating from a lack or a -less. I am getting something for free because I’m not caught up in needing a house or apartment for security.
Still, as I’ve mentioned recently, I am ready to move on from this experience. I LOVE that I have been a successful free-sleeper. I will never have to fear “homelessness” because I know I can survive it and even enjoy my life while free-sleeping.
The reason I want to be housed is so I can live with someone or someones. I don’t like feeling alone in the world, especially at night.
I also miss privacy. A shower, my own toilet etc. I like being able to touch my toes for a stretch without anyone looking at me and wondering what I’m doing. I like being able to get up at any hour of the night if I can’t sleep and jumping on the computer or reading for awhile without worrying about anyone seeing my light.
A friend suggested I ask another friend who lives in a lovely home if I can rent a room from her for cheap. (like around $400) I seriously considered doing this. Then I sat down with my budget again andrealized (again) if I did this, I wouldn’t have money to improve my business, buy clothes, fix my van, or do anything but eat and sleep.
So, I’ve got to improve my business A LOT so I can earn more money.
I am sloooowly raising my prices for current clients-if I go too quickly I will lose them. And I am trying to bring new clients on at better prices. I need to be a Premier ________(what I do for business) not the Budget ___________.
So I am doing a bunch of things that don’t cost a whole lot, that will put me (I hope) into that category.
It is mentally hard for me to push myself like this. But I ask myself, why are some people, that have the same business as me, making twice (or more) as much money than me?
Well, I guess I’d better get to work now. Thanks for reading.