Crazy Ass Flower

I think this flower looks like it should be on mars or perhaps somewhere in South America.  Does anyone recognize it?

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Down Day



Today my mind was playing tricks on me.  It was telling me that I can’t be successful…that I just don’t have what it takes.

On days like these…I just kind of get through the day and don’t do anything extra.

I am doing this promotional thing Friday that could be a winner but I am not getting my fliers out because I feel physically tired and I feel like I am too fat and weird looking so no one will want to come to my thing.  Ugh.

I just have to take it slow.  I’m going to do this promotional thing every Friday.  The first one…or the first few might look like flops (meaning only a couple people will show up) BUT it’s something that can grow.  At least I think it can.  When I first started up this business it was slow for a long time.  I even did free work just to stay busy and involved.  Now I’m almost making a living at it.  :)

I just have to do what I can.  Obviously, the faster I can get flyers etc. out the faster things will go…but if I can’t go fast…I just can’t.

Ryu thinks maybe I need to build challenges into my free-sleeping but honestly, getting past my issues and getting to the next level in business (actually being able to afford a normal lifestyle) is quite enough challenge for me. 

I am reading two or three books right now to inspire me.  I’m reading “Think and Grow Rich” a classic by Napolean Hill and another more modern one-its name escapes me right now.  And something else.  Ha!  What a spaz.

I don’t know if these books will be just entertainment for me or if I will actually “get it” and persist with the things I know I need to do.  Most people just give up when things don’t go right immediately in business.  I hope I won’t do that.  I don’t want to be stuck in a rut. 

Believe it or not, much of my life has been spent trying to improve myself in various ways.  I have a real blind spot when it comes to business though.

In the past, I have let competitors intimidate me…also, I’ve been over emotional about big picture industry issues rather than putting my nose to the grindstone and making money.  My personality type just doesn’t do good with the modern business model where one is no longer a person but a human resource.  Ugh. 

So this is the challenge I am working on right now.  I even have crazy big dreams about creating a product that will make me millions one day.  I’ve always been a dreamer but hey, millions happen sometimes.

Thanks so much for all the comments lately.  It lets me know you’re still reading. 


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One of my problems in life is that it is hard for me to maintain any type of money motivation.  I just have never cared much for money itself.

What I do care about though is having decent shoes, a haircut, a nicer vehicle and most recently, helping my children.

One of my children has taken on a LOT of debt to go to university.  She will have a decent career when she gets out and will be able to pay it back BUT she will have to wait to have children she says. 

I think I might keep sleeping in my van at night and save the $1,000 a month to help my daughter.  Two years of this would give her $24,000 right?  A hefty sum. 

THIS motivates me because I want to have grandchildren and I don’t want my daughter to miss out on having them because she keeps putting it off and her eggs dry up.  That would be tragic. 

It’s good to finally make a connection between earning better money and worthy goals.  Money gives you more options.

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Move to Salton Sea

Ryu suggested I move to the Salton Sea area because is cheaper there.

The thing is, I think I would find it depressing in a place like that.  I’d like to think I would find like minded individuals to fellowship with but I have a feeling I would find instead a lot of drug addicts and people who have just given up.

I’m not in the give up stage anymore.  I’m ready to take on some business challenges…on my terms of course.  AND the kind of work I do requires me to live rather near wealthier people who can afford it.  I’m not willing to work retail or flip burgers.  Too corporate for me.

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Pushing it to the Limit

Ryu asked in the comments:

Can you push your free sleeping even further?

Right now, you use certain security measures. Try lowering them and seeing if you are still alright. See how low you can go, where the threshold is.

I’m not sure that now is the time to add challenges to that part of my life but give me some suggestions and I will consider them.  Should I sleep outside?  Sleep with the van windows open or ????

You may come to look down on the homeless, the middle class does.

I don’t feel as though I will look down on free-sleepers in general.  Many of them can’t even be identified by their looks so if they are behaving in a civil manner and are clean, I don’t think I will notice their free-sleeper status, much less look down on them. 

 I DO admit that sometimes I look down on the visably homeless.  I just have trouble respecting people who just take and take from everyone and give nothing in return.  I mean, since they don’t have to earn their food, can’t they make an effort to clean themselves up so they don’t scare people or make them feel bad?

Maybe I’m a heartless jerk.  Maybe they are just mentally ill….but still, if I were queen of the world and someone wanted free food, I would require them to shower at the very least.  I’ll bet a lot of men and women would feel inspired to improve their situation too if they showered/shaved a couple of times a week and had some fresh clothes to wear.  

Low expectations produces a lower class of people yes? 

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How to be a Stealthy, Healthy Free-sleeper

This article covered my whole blog in a few paragraphs.  Most of it was review for me but there’s probably some gold in there, (don’t skip the comments)  for some of you.

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Approval Seeking

I’m not hanging around D anymore.  It’s been a couple of days. 

I notice that when I’m on my own, I always seek out human interaction.  If I am not immediately accepted I tend to feel bad.  It’s not good to be so approval seeking.

This morning I sought approval/interaction with a couple of homeless people I know.  They always say hello to me but today I tried to get them in a conversation and they were having none of it.  They looked tired.  I guess a lot of homeless people are just caught up in their own business and don’t have the energy for others.  There were a lot of homeless people around…waiting in line for something…but no one was talking to each other. 

There are also trust issues.  Even among the more normal of us free-sleepers, there are probably some neurosis.  Just having the title “homeless” is a head trip, I think.  That’s why I have always called my situation free-sleeping.  It is so much more empowering.  I am not operating from a lack or a -less.  I am getting something for free because I’m not caught up in needing a house or apartment for security.

Still, as I’ve mentioned recently, I am ready to move on from this experience.  I LOVE that I have been a successful free-sleeper.  I will never have to fear “homelessness” because I know I can survive it and even enjoy my life while free-sleeping. 

The reason I want to be housed is so I can live with someone or someones.  I don’t like feeling alone in the world, especially at night. 

I also miss privacy.  A shower, my own toilet etc.  I like being able to touch my toes for a stretch without anyone looking at me and wondering what I’m doing.  I like being able to get up at any hour of the night if I can’t sleep and jumping on the computer or reading for awhile without worrying about anyone seeing my light. 

A friend suggested I ask another friend who lives in a lovely home if I can rent a room from her for cheap.  (like around $400)  I seriously considered doing this.  Then I sat down with my budget again andrealized (again) if I did this, I wouldn’t have money to improve my business, buy clothes, fix my van, or do anything but eat and sleep. 

So, I’ve got to improve my business A LOT so I can earn more money.

I am sloooowly raising my prices for current clients-if I go too quickly I will lose them.  And I am trying to bring new clients on at better prices.  I need to be a Premier ________(what I do for business) not the Budget ___________.

So I am doing a bunch of things that don’t cost a whole lot, that will put me (I hope) into that category.

It is mentally hard for me to push myself like this.  But I ask myself, why are some people, that have the same business as me, making twice (or more) as much money than me? 

Well, I guess I’d better get to work now.  Thanks for reading.

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Sweat Not Prozac

I think that a lot of people with stress problems should just sweat more often.  You can go to the gym but it’s even more effective if you are doing real work with a purpose.  So get a side job or start a garden or clean your house (ladies).  Sweating has increased my quality of life so much!  And no side effects!  Here are the side effects of Prozac according to WebMD.

Throat Irritation
Sinus Irritation and Congestion
Dry Mouth
Chronic Trouble Sleeping
Excessive Sweating
Involuntary Quivering
Loss of Appetite
Head Pain
Feel Like Throwing Up
Feeling Weak


Infrequent side effects of Prozac oral:

Trouble Breathing
Feeling Restless
Hyperactive Behavior
Problems with Eyesight
Abnormal Dreams
Ringing in the Ears
Abnormal Heart Rhythm
Widening of Blood Vessels
Incomplete or Infrequent Bowel Movements
Inability to have an Erection
Hair Loss
Joint Pain
Flu-Like Symptoms
Taste Problems
Weight Loss
Excessive Thirst
Fast Heartbeat
Heart Throbbing or Pounding
Chest Pain
Frequent Urination
Stomach Cramps
Sexual Problems
Altered Interest in Having Sexual Intercourse


Rare side effects of Prozac oral:

Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome
Serotonin Syndrome – Adverse Drug Interaction
Very Rapid Heartbeat – Torsades de Pointes
Prolonged Q-T Interval on EKG
A Spasm of the Larynx
Stomach or Intestinal Ulcer
Hepatitis caused by Drugs  EEK!
Bleeding of the Stomach or Intestines
Inflammation of Skin caused by an Allergy
Erythema Multiforme
Swollen Lymph Nodes
Throwing Up
Abnormal Liver Function Tests
Life Threatening Allergic Reaction
Giant Hives
Reaction due to an Allergy
Allergic Reaction causing Serum Sickness
Low Amount of Sodium in the Blood
Increased Risk of Bleeding
Behaving with Excessive Cheerfulness and Activity
Mild Degree of Mania
Having Thoughts of Suicide   YIPES!
Grinding of the Teeth
Abnormally Low Blood Pressure
Abnormal Bleeding from the Uterus
Sun-Sensitive Skin
Loss of Memory   WOW!
Difficult or Painful Urination
Low Blood Sugar
Mood Changes
Loss of One’s Own Sense of Reality or Identity     NOT GOOD


So before you run out and get your candy from a quack, please try sweating.

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Sleep again

I didn’t stick with day 2 of polyphasic sleep.  Physically I felt fine but because I don’t have a normal home where I can sit and read or play on the computer, it’s kind of challenging to stay awake at night.  I would have to go sit in one of maybe 3 coffee shops/restaurants in town and for some reason, that just depresses me.  It’s kind of scary and lonely.

I’m such a wimp.

I’m housesitting now for a couple of days so I could start again but I fear I will just revert back to a normal sleep routine once I’m back in the van.  Sigh.

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New Challenge

I’ve been challenging myself a bit lately.
First, I am working on my business more.  I want to make more money so more effort is required.  I found out that I have competitors that charge a lot more than I do for the same service.  I am hatching a plan for getting some of this money!  Why not?  So I am studying how to run a business, how to negotiate and I’m also listening to motivational type things on youtube.  I like anything by Brian Tracy.  I am also remembering what Steve Pavlina says.  If I want to make a lot of money, I have to create and deliver value.  So I’m trying to find more (low cost) ways to do this. 

I feel a little embarrassed telling you all that I’m thinking about money so much.  I grew up in a family where money wasn’t discussed.  It would be considered crass I guess.  There’s nothing wrong with money though and nothing wrong with wanting a little financial stability.  If I’m out there working why not maximise my energy investment right?

And it’s a challenge.  I feel like I have risen to the challenge of van living pretty well so it’s on to the next thing for me. 

Second, I am trying out polyphasic sleep.  Basically it means you get your sleep in spread out over 24 hours rather than in one 8 hour stint.  And if what they say is true about it, you don’t need as much sleep when you sleep this way.  You can get by on as little as 2 hours sleep.  It is said that Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla slept this way.  You sleep for 20 minutes to a half hour 6 times a day. 

I’m into day two but I didn’t do day one perfectly.  I ended up sleeping around 5 hours altogether.  I got cold and those blankets were SO warm!  Let’s see how I do tonight. 

The reason I wanted to do this is that I need more hours in my day BUT if I end up being tired all the time it won’t matter if I have more hours or not because they won’t be constructive. 

Even if I could just get two more hours in, I would be glad.  There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day!

So I’ll let you guys and gals know how it goes.  If you have any questions please leave a comment with them and I’ll try to answer them.

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