Sad

I’m a little sad sometimes.  I see young people starting out in their careers.  They have energy and their whole life in front of them.  They have so much hope.  They hope they have the “golden ticket” that will make them a success if they just work hard enough.

Some of them will “make it”.  They will work very hard and be considered “management material” work hard…deal with constant stress and at the end of it, they will own a home and have a nice retirement.  But how many people get to enjoy their retirement?  Home many are unhealthy or even DEAD within a few years of retiring?

And some will NOT make it.  They will be in dead end jobs their whole lives, slaving away for low pay, eating crap food, having poor or no medical care, etc.

I know young people who believe in themselves.  They are on their way UP, they think and they’re even a little cocky.  I hope I don’t have to watch them be disillusioned and ground down into what I almost became (a bitter Old Lady).

I hope that somehow this country will right itself and people can have work they enjoy that pays them enough to have nice lives and even to be able to afford a family.  I think that’s something worth working toward.

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Confidence

I was talking to someone today about confidence.  One needs confidence in this day and age because most people don’t know how to be encouraging.  It seems those close to us are the worst at this, I guess because they are afraid if you try something new, you might fail and they don’t want you to fail.  It could be even worse though…they could feel envious.  Or maybe it’s a little of both.

I’ve always walked my own path.  I don’t regret it but my family and some friends don’t understand my choices and if you don’t make a lot of money at your job/business, you are not considered a success.  Well, so be it.  I can’t change people.  What I CAN change is how I respond in my mind.  Living in my van and creating a tiny business WHILE living in my van (AKA being homeless) has shown me that I can do a LOT.  And I can do these things somewhat on my own terms.  That’s a good feeling.

Now I’m going to transfer my skills into something else and I probably will eventually make more money.  I feel it’s important to make more money now while I’m “young” so that I have something to fall back on if I get sick or too old to work (I’d have to be sick in some way for that to happen right?)   I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, I would love to be a blessing.  I’d like to be able to give some money away to family and friends in need but I can’t do that when I’m poor can I?

Money gives you more choices.  Being in the right career or business can give you more choices.  I for one don’t like being stuck to one location.  Perhaps one day I will be able to take my work anywhere I can get an internet connection.  We’ll see!

I have confidence that I can be in charge of my life and not make a mess of it.  I have the confidence to work through problems and challenges (I have plenty…some of which I will try to share in the coming weeks).

Some people think, “Well I’d be confident if I was from a rich family”.  It’s pointless to think this way if you don’t.  How does that help you?  AND I have seen successful, high earning people in stressful situations and a lot of them are VERY, VERY calm when they’re under the gun.  I used to think, “What’s wrong with this guy/girl?  Don’t they understand the urgency of this situation?”  Well, they DID understand but they remained calm so they could think things through and make the best decisions.  I want to be like that.  CALM.

Ok, enough of my rambling.  I’d like to hear you guys and gals ramble in the comments below if you feel like it.

Posted in Investing, Money, Work | 5 Comments

My balcony flowers are blooming!

I couldn’t get the photo to load on my mobile devise so it’s sideways!flowers2

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Kicked to the Curb

I know White people supposedly run the world but in some neighborhoods, we are just homeless.  I’m in a Starbucks now and everyone here is either Asian or (I think) Jewish and they look at D and I like we’re something stuck on their shoe.  I look outside and see White homeless people walking by.

The United States has purposely dumbed down our population, aided and abetted drug lords to bring drugs into this country, then allowed smart Asian and Indian people to take the tech jobs and allowed Mexicans and South Americans to take the lower skilled jobs.  It doesn’t leave much for White Americans does it?

We are like buggy whips.  No longer needed.  It sucks watching us be replaced.

PS.  If you think I’m a “racist” for caring about this…don’t bother griping to me about it.  I make no apologies for caring about my own people.

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May Flowers

The Fuscia is blooming!  20160519_120831

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Hiding

One of the hardest parts for me of being a free-sleeper (AKA homeless) was hiding the fact that I didn’t have a normal home.  I knew that people would think bad things about me if they knew.  Most would think I was a substance abuser, crazy, lazy or stupid.  I didn’t want people to think badly of me.  Maybe that’s stupid but I AM trying to work in this town!

Because of this I hid a lot.  I jumped into the back of my van at night as soon as I arrived at my sleep spot so know one would notice me sleeping there.  I was careful not to leave my van sliding door open too long where prying eyes might see my bedding.  Things like that.

I got used to hiding and I’m finding that I’m hiding a little still even though I’m housed.

We don’t have enough room in our trash cans-they come from the city and you have to pay more if you want a bigger one or an extra one.  Rather than talk to my landlady about it, I just take my trash out to a dumpster behind a building and upload it.  This is illegal!  But I’d rather sneak around and risk getting yelled at or even cited than deal with my landlady.

I also get afraid I’m doing too much laundry so I try to do it late at night or when no one is around.

Maybe I AM a little mentally ill.  Oh well!

I’m in the house a lot.  I worry that they’ll get tired of seeing me.  Weird!  Ya so I’m an odd duck but you guys knew that already.

Thanks for coming back!

Posted in budget, cops, drugs, Housing, police | 5 Comments

Changes and Not Changes

I like my new place.  I’m not really unpacked.  When the burglars can and trashed my storage unit, all my stuff got jumbled up with my children’s things so I’ve go about 8 (?) boxes I need to go thru and get things organized.  I’m not in a huge rush though.

I stay inside a lot working on my new side business. I’m on a learning curve so everything takes a long time but that’s okay.  I’m not charging what the big guys do.  I have one major client now and I can still do small jobs that are less involved.  It’s so fun learning something new, even if it’s a little frustrating sometimes!

It’s REALLY quiet where I live.  It’s off the street a good ways so I can’t hear traffic when I’m going to sleep.  I usually play a documentary or something on Youtube to give me a little noise.  I don’t have much trouble sleeping though.

I work pretty hard in the common areas to keep things clean.  I like the accountability of that—no dishes in the sink, things like that.  I also inherited a little garden on the balcony upstairs that I have to care for.  Some of the plants were already dried up by the time I got there but what’s living is a few strawberry plants, rosemary, oh gosh I’ve mostly forgotten but I water them every couple of days.  There are some great succulents…those are plants like cactus that don’t need much water and there is oleander.  Or I THINK it’s oleander.  All I have is buds right now so it’s going to be fun to see what they open up to be.  I know they’re going to be pink though because the buds are pink.

D is going to be staying in my van.  I have mixed feelings about this.  I want to leave the free-sleeping thing behind me for a while.  It will complicate things having to turn the van from a bedroom into a work van every morning again.  BUT it’s hard for me to enjoy my home knowing someone I care very much about is out on the concrete and exposed to all the night creatures one encounters when sleeping rough.  (I’m talking about people, mostly drug addicts , also cops).

He is trying to make his way back to a normal life again.  I hope he makes it!  It will break my heart if he doesn’t.  I have a lot of hope though!  Thanks for reading, My Friends.

Mandevilla-Splendens

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My New Digs

So my new home is very nice.  Pretty even.  The kitchen has the usual stuff and a cooshy “rug” on the floor in front of the sink so I don’t get too uncomfortable while rinsing dishes.  The flooring is slate.  There’s a dishwasher, microwave and the kitchen sink is very big which is awesome.  There’s a wood dining table with 6 chairs around it.  I could have a dinner party.  hahaha.   That’s kinda funny.  Oh and I think the counters are marble or something expensive.

My bedroom is upstairs.  It’s furnished with a full size bed.  It’s a sleigh bed.  Very cute.  It has a matching dresser.  There’s a sliding door closet.  Big window with very modern blinds and curtains.  There’s an overhead fan.

I also have my own bathroom.  It’s modern.  Nothing junky.  Wood looking flooring.  Neutral colors so I’m going to buy pink towels and such and have a pink bathroom.  Pink’s my favorite color.

I’m going to have to buy a few things, to keep up appearances.  I don’t even own a real pillow.  I need a pillow, towels, washcloths, a bath mat.  A shower curtain and an endless bunch of stuff for the kitchen.  Well, first I’d better see what’s in the storage unit.  There ought to be SOMETHING useful in that thing!  I might have to get rid of some things too.  I don’t have much space.  Hard to believe isn’t it.  I STILL have too much stuff after 4 1/2 years of van living.  That’s ridiculous!  AND I might need to buy things.  Crazy.  Oh well.

I don’t feel bad or good being housed.  It doesn’t feel like home yet.  I wonder how long it will take.  Maybe two weeks.  My bed is super comfy and I guess I’m safer.  This place is like fort knox.

I miss D.  He’s my friend that I spend a lot of time with.  We have parted ways, at least for now.

I’m really psyched to think I could have a girlfriend over for tea or wine sometimes.  Or my children could visit me.  That’s neat.

My roommate is out of town for the next week so I’m having lots of privacy.  I’m slowly moving my things in.  I have to house sit starting tomorrow so that will slow things down anymore.  Come hell or high water I need to the rest of my crap out of the storage unit by the 30th of the month unless I want to pay for May!  I def do not.

Something different.  I put an ad on Craigslist offering to set up people’s Facebook business page.  Someone took me up on the offer so I will make a few bucks there.  I’m trying to transition into social media marketing so I can sit on my butt all day.  hahah.  Just kidding.  I’d actually like a mix of desk work and physical work.  That would provide a good mental and phsyical balance I think.

Thanks for reading everyone.  Any questions?

 

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Suddenly It’s My Last Night in The Van

Long story but I’m actually going to move into my new place tomorrow night.  Luckily enough, my roommate and my landlady are going to be gone for 5 days so I’ll be able to move my things into my room in privacy.  I had been kind of worried about everyone seeing my stuff or lack thereof.

So this is my last night in the van.  It feels a little weird.  I don’t feel ready.  I’ll let you know how things go.

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Last nights in the Van

Well today’s the second of April and I’m moving into my new place on the 15th of this month.  Technically I have 13 nights of free sleeping in my van left but I’m house sitting for three of those nights so that leaves 10 nights.

I’m supposed to be looking forward to it but I’m a little nervous about paying rent AND trying to keep my van running.  I’m not sure I can do it.  The woman who owns the house is also a client so it would be so embarrassing if I had to leave after a month or two.

Still I will have much more privacy.  I hope my roommate just keeps to herself like I intend to.  A bad roommate can make life a living hell.  I’ve heard the stories.  And I will have to be considerate of her sleep times etc.  I can’t just jump in the shower or cook myself something to eat in the middle of the night like I could if I had my own place (Not that I did that very often before but you get the idea).

Right now I’m sitting in a parking lot writing this post  using my phone with people all around me.  This time a couple of weeks from now I’ll be typing my posts from my laptop in my room, all by myself with pretty pictures on the walls around me.  I’m going to splurge a little and buy a fancy comforter for my bed.  That will pretty much set the tone for my room.

Can you tell I’m trying to psych myself up for this?

I’m probably going to feel a little closed in, in a room.  I’m guessing that when I first move in I will “hole” up in there for days in end, when I’m not working, then I will get cabin fever and get out.  I guess a lot of people do that sort of thing.   I think I may still sleep in my van from time to time.  I have this wonderful spot near the ocean and summer is right around the corner.  I love summer in the van.

Well I guess that’s enough if my gambling for today.  Have a good one!


 

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