Staying YOU

Useful definition:  Elite-a select part of a group that is superior to the rest in terms of ability or qualities.

I’ve been watching documentaries lately about different time periods in history or “history”.  A lot of history is repressed of course.  Indeed, although recently the media moguls have had to acknowledge “some” truths (because the internet has outed them), there is still much that is omitted.

Anyway, one thing that seems clear to me is that fashions change but the basics about people and power don’t.

It’s not fashionable in 2015 to live in a van.  Some people think people like me are “low-lifes”.  I have to work hard to remember who I am.  I am someone who wants the “elites” if you will, to have as little power over me as possible.  I have nothing against elites in general but unfortunately those with the money and power these days aren’t true elites.  Elite means excellent.  The character of the controlling elite is not excellent.  They use their power to encourage (mass brainwash) people into degenerate behavior.   That is the exact opposite of excellent.

Degenerate=death.  I do not want to die.  I want to LIVE, not just exist, into a ripe old age and I want the same for my children and their children and so on.  I guard my mind against things that point me in another direction.  I haven’t been a tv watcher in years.  Occasionally something catches my eye when I’m in an establishment that has a tv but I don’t let myself get to involved.  The television is a very powerful medium.  I don’t want to get sucked into its vortex of lies again.

Sometimes someone glances at me in my van or when I am outside it wiping the windows and I assume they are thinking I’m a “low-life”.  A lot of the time, they probably aren’t thinking that at all but the important thing is I need to remember who I am.  I have made mistakes but I have never killed my own flesh through abortion.  I raised my children to be educated, productive adults.  I don’t kill my own flesh with drugs.  I eat healthy foods most of the time and I exercise.  I don’t harm anyone.  I even help people.  (probably too often)  I haven’t used any free services in a while and don’t plan to use them again.

Is there room for improvement in my life?  Of course there is but I’m not a lower life form.  I like myself.  I would choose myself for a friend.  In fact, I’m the best friend I’ve got.

I’m not sure how this van-living situation is going to end up.  I have to eat so I have to work.  I can’t just go live in the woods and wait for the ravens to feed me.  (bible reference)  I am trying to earn my bread on my own terms as much as possible.  I don’t want to be part of the death cult.  What does THAT make me?  A philosopher?  A fool?  An elite?  :)


Posted in Assholes, drugs, fitness, Food, health, Housing, Money, Uncategorized, Work | 1 Comment

Checking in

I’ve been busy, busy, busy.

I am making more money but I’m kind of stressed out.

I was sort of offered a job.  If it is what I think it is, there is potential for a decent salary there and potential for more.  I am going to ask the person if we can sit down and talk about it.  She is having trouble getting someone to stick in the position.  That’s a red flag.  Is she not paying enough?  Is she working them too hard?  I wouldn’t want to jump from the frying pan, into the fire, giving up my business then HATING my life.  She (the owner of the company) works long hours and seems pretty stressed.  She makes a lot of money though so it’s probably worth it to her.  Perhaps I should just try to work a few hours a week for her to see if I like it???

One client let me go because she’s having cash flow issues.  I didn’t like her anyway.  She is one of those vicious people throwing around terms like “White Trash” etc.  You really CAN’T buy class.  Karma is going to be a bitch for her, methinks.

The weather is cooling off, thankfully.  I can keep the windows up at night which makes me feel safer and keeps the mosquitos out.  There has been a lot of talk this year about how many diseases you can get from mosquitos so it’s best not to get bitten.  I don’t like spraying myself with poison to keep that from happening.

Housing is on hold again while I try to keep a vehicle running.  Vinny I’s transmission is running pretty rough so I may just have to borrow money from a relative to fix Vinny II.  It’s a lot of money.  I will only do it if I get desperate.  I could pay it back in 2-3 months, as long as I keep all my clients.

Posted in Assholes | 2 Comments

Stopped by the cops AGAIN

Must have been a rookie.  Gave me the lame lie that my back window, middle brake light was out.  I told him I have fixed it.  So he came up with another lie, how I had rolled through a stop light.  Geez.

Since I had just come from C’s house where we drank two small glasses of wine, I decided not to push the issue.  I was pretty sure I could have passed a breathalyzer test but why take chances?  It’s very easy to get a dui these days and boy would that mess up my life.  I’d probably drive anyway though, legally or not.  Just saying.  I’m not going to have my life completely wrecked because I DARED have an alcoholic drink then drive one block away to lay down and sleep.

Anywho, he just wanted to know what I was doing in such an ugly van is the richy rich neighborhood.  I understand.  We are only supposed to be there in the daytime and go home to our crappy neighborhoods at the end of the day.


Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Vehicles, Preparation and Van Living

Things have changed a lot in the automobile world in the last 10(?) years.  Mainly the pricing.  If you are thinking about living in your van, it’s something you need to take into account.

A workable vehicle, one that’s going to run well without needing repairs all the time, costs a pretty penny.  Perhaps as much as ten grand.  And repairs cost a lot more than they used to.  You MUST have some kind of income with this lifestyle or eventually you will probably lose your vehicle.  It will die and you won’t be able to fix it.

Sometimes when I’ve needed repairs, they have “only” been $250-300 but often, they are $1000, $1500 or more.

Vinnie I needs a new transmission.  I have been quoted $2500 for that repair. I certainly can’t afford that but I am very fortunate that he still runs if I put $6.50 worth of trans fluid in him every morning (almost $200/month).  Granted, I drive a lot.  Maybe others don’t.  But if you don’t have an income, eventually you will have to deal with expensive repairs or have to get a new car or van.  In most cases, if you can’t move your car around, the city will tow it and you might end up sleeping outside.

BUT, an acquaintance of mine who sleeps in his van had this problem.  He has a tiny income from somewhere (I’m guessing a parent).  Long before his van died he became friendly with a woman who lived in an apartment.  He started participating in the neighborhood barbeques, ingratiating himself with them and eventually got permission to sleep in his van in the parking lot every night.  When his van died, they actually allowed him to leave it there all the time and sleep there.  He bought a tiny car to drive for $800.  He didn’t register or insure it.  He just drives where he needs to, obviously avoiding the police.  He figures if the worst happens and the police take his car, he’s only out $800.  When this car dies, he will buy another like it.  This is one route a van dweller could use.  It’s a little more risk than I would want to take because I have to get to my jobs.  No car, no jobs.  I don’t have any passive income.  I have to work for all of it.  I also am not as good with people as this guy.  He could sell ice to an eskimo, as the saying goes.

Anyway, if you are considering van living, consider your skill level and plan accordingly.  Are you good with people?  You can probably get them to help you.  Are you a person who rather likes working, you should figure out what might be a good fit for you, if you haven’t already.

Thanks for reading.  Have a nice day!

Posted in budget, cops, Money, police, Work | 2 Comments

Laying it on the Line

One of the reasons I started living in my van is, I don’t like working with jerks.  I was getting stuck in offices with ’em, 8 hours a day for so-so pay.  The pay was low enough that I would have needed to work a second job so I could have normal stuff like insurances, clothes, healthcare and so on.  What a slave life!

Sleeping in the van means I’m not desperate for money most of the time and I don’t have to work for people who treat me like crap.  I fired one such client a year or so ago.  I’m ready to fire another one.

She wants me to stay at her house, watch her dog, but not be human.  She doesn’t want me to take a shower there and she’d really prefer I don’t cook.  When I interviewed her she said she envisioned someone sitting there knitting the whole time.  Knitting.  She bitches about every little thing.  I’m afraid to MOVE for fear I will sully something.

I’m going to lay it on the line for her very soon.  I’m going to ask her if she thinks we are a “good fit”.  If not, she can find a robot or something to take care of her job.

Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Freaking Awesome Podcast

This is better than anything on the boobtube in my opinion.  I really like this LaVonne Ellis.  She gets it.  Check it out.

Passing Through:  Stories from the Road

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

My Stocks

It’s been a while since I’ve reported my stocks to you guys.

Ok so the way it works is, they give you 1 million dollars of play money.  So far I have only invested around 200k of it.  If this was real life and I only had $200k to invest, I would actually by up around 28%.  That’s pretty good.

I should have dropped WFM (Whole Foods Market) a long time ago I guess but I’m hoping they will figure something out.  I guess I’m in it for the long haul with those guys.  I am selling NXPI (a semiconductor company) because I’ve almost doubled my money on it.

I am going to buy GNC.  You know, the vitamin guys.  Then I’m going to look for some more good buys.

What stocks do you guys and gals like?  Do you own real stocks?

My parents have owned an oil well stock for decades and it’s never done anything.  If they leave it to me, I won’t sell it either.   Funny huh?

I am trying to get my children, one in particular who makes good money, to start investing.  I have smart kids.  I think they will do it.


Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Getting Older

Warning…this is just a ramble.  I’m afraid I don’t have time to organize my thoughts but I want to check in.

Sometimes I accidentally turn on the computer camera and get a surprise glimpse of myself.  I sure am getting older but I refuse to hate myself for it.  It happens to everyone.

The wealthy people in my area spend lots of time and money trying to look young into their seventies and beyond.  THEN when they are dying, they have “helpful” foreigners taking care of them,  instead of their children and grandchildren.  That is SO sad.

I’m not wealthy but I could make the same sort of mistakes.  I have aging parents who live on the East Coast that could use my help…very soon.  And I have children who live far away too.  Yet, when I think of dropping my business and starting over somewhere else, I get a little stubborn.  It’s taken so long to make decent money at what I do…building connections and learning.  It would be hard to start over.  There’s ego in it too.  I feel my family (as much as I love them) looks down on me a little because I’ve rarely made much money.  I don’t blame them for feeling that way.  It’s the American way to make as much money as you can and to look askance at people who are “lazy” like me.  So I don’t want to give up my little thing.

I have read online that some people think ALL homeless people are either addicted to something or mentally ill.  It hurts to be misunderstood this way.

I HAVE met some nice people along the way.  At the church where I sometimes get meals, there are people you can talk to and they LISTEN.  I like that.  They don’t offer advice either.  I think they at least try to understand.  I tell them I was tired and couldn’t work 2 or 3 jobs to stay housed and they seem to understand.

This last year I have been thinking a lot about moving back east for a while.  I think I’m going to talk to my mother about it.  I think I’m going to be honest and say, “look, I don’t want to come home because I need a place to stay, I’m coming home so I can be with you in your last days.  So could you PLEASE go easy on me?”  PLEASE don’t push me out the door to get some shit job right away?

The funny thing is, my parents could easily support me.  They have a big house and they could feed me.  But it would be the principal of the thing with them.  They would hate seeing me “sitting around”during the day.  And they would probably want me to get my own place.  What’s the point of that when you have a 4 bedroom house?  But it’s the principal of the thing right? I’m XX years old.  I’m supposed to have my own place, even if I’m lonely and broke, broke, broke.  AND I would get to see my “successful” schoolmates around town too.  And be cold.

I think I’ve just talked myself out of living back East.  Ha.  Does anyone blame me?

So I will wait for my children to settle somewhere.  And while I am waiting, I will train myself (or possibly take classes too) to do something that I can do from home.  I think I have a couple of years to get ready.  I’m excited to have that as a goal.  The thing I want to do doesn’t generally pay a LOT…maybe $20 an hour, but it’s pretty fun.

As always I welcome your thoughts on my ramble.



Posted in Housing, Work | 4 Comments

Staying Busy

I got a couple of new clients.  They seem kind of high maintenance at the moment but I’m sure once I get used to them it will all become old hat (remember that expression?)

The new clients will help with my income.  I need a lot of help.

The car situation isn’t great.  I’m driving my old van, Vinnie I while Vinnie II sits idle.  Turns out Vinnie II needs more work that Vinnie I.

I made a big mistake when I bought the second van.  I should have taken it to a shop to have them look at it.  They would have seen at least one of the problems right away.  The thing is, they would have charged me a good bit of money to do this service and I don’t have a lot of money.  I did my homework online, checking out this type of van and they have a good reputation but something happened to this one.

My other mistake was using craigslist.  I think I will be going to a dealership from now on.  You usually get a 30 day guarantee from a dealer.  (although I think in my case the problems started after the 30 day mark.)

I don’t like to talk about my mistakes because they make me feel bad about myself, but I share them here because you can’t see me and perhaps someone else can learn from my mistakes.  I make a lot of them.

C, who loaned me the money for the new van, is very gentle and she says this sort of thing has happened to her too even though she did the best she could to get a good vehicle.  She is so good to me!  I don’t deserve such a friend.

R up north says he can help me fix the van if I want to drive it up there.  OR he says we can probably fix it here.  Looking at youtube, it actually doesn’t look too hard.  Seriously!  Just need a place to do it.  The city doesn’t want people fixing their cars in the street.

So now I have to continue putting transmission fluid in Vinnie I everyday (it adds up! $$)  pay C back the money I owe her AND save for the parts and labor to fix Vinnie II.  It’s been a big blow financially.  I still have hope though!  And the sun is shining!

Thanks everyone for reading and for your encouragement.

Posted in budget | 5 Comments

“New Car”

I didn’t want to mention it…because I was afraid it wouldn’t work out.  I actually bought a “new” 15 year old car.  It only has a little under 100k miles on it.


As I suspected, it has problems already.  It is in the shop now.  I am very, very discouraged.  I’m ready to scrap everything.  You know, stop working and lay around instead.  I’m just spinning my wheels trying to make things better.

Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments