More Drama

One of the reasons I moved into my van is that I knew that I would have a hard time dealing with roommates.

Maybe you guys and gals remember that a couple of months there was money stolen at the house I live in?  Well I thought it was over but it all got dredged up again last weekend.  How exhausting.

It’s really loud here during the day so it’s hard to get work done.  The main problem is that the loud person is my landlady and she’s unpredictable so her voice “triggers” me even when she isn’t on a rant.

I know I have to get over this.  She’s not evil incarnate.  I actually like her sometimes but….it’s the drama.  I have a hard time dealing with drama.

This is harder than living in the van was for me.  I’m ready for advice!!!!  Help!

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Digging In

Hi guys and gals!

Just another update.  I was away a lot housesitting this last month, so when I came back to my room last night, the whole house needed cleaning.  My roommate isn’t into that.  Hmmm….oh well.  I actually thing hard work is kind of therapeutic.  She is a nice gal but she is pretty much what I don’t want to be.  She (at the moment) works twenty five hours a week but is tired all the time.  She spend her off hours alone in her room watching movies and drinking soda and sometimes booze.

And trust me, I can relate to that, and if that’s how she wants to spend her life, that’s fine but it’s not for me.  I would get depressed with that lifestyle.

Pretty soon she’d going to have to get a “real job” I think.  She doesn’t seem motivated enough to get a business going…I’ve tried to encourage her but her fears are very strong.  I only have so much energy to spare for others.

I honestly believe working for other people is usually slavery in this day and age.  Some slaveowners will treat you better than others but it’s still slavery.  You take what they give you.

I have two small (very small) businesses now.  I am very motivated to work for myself.  Living in my van for 4 1/2 years gave me the space to build my business.  I don’t know why I am so lucky.  I feel like a millionaire some days because I love my life.  I can’t believe how good I have it.

Tomorrow I’m going to try to find some free-sleepers I know because I want to check on D.  I haven’t heard from him in a while and I haven’t seen him in the usual places I usually find him in.  I’m hoping he went to rehab or something.  I’ll try to update you later on this.

Have a good week friends!

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Hello hello!

Hi guys and gals,  I just wanted to check in.  It’s been around six months since I started renting a little room to live in.  It’s funny how quickly I’ve acclimated, as if I never lived in the van at all.  It’s almost like I dreamed it.

I know that I could do it again if I have to but I don’t want to have to.  It was an adventure and now I’m on to new adventures. (Taking the business world by storm LOL)

I have little reminders of my van living experiences sometimes.  If I’m at a restaurant (and I go to the same ones I always did) and I use the bathroom, I think how glad I am that I don’t have to use public bathrooms all the time anymore.  I love my little bathroom, that’s clean and pretty and all mine.  Haha…I’m so selfish!

I felt some shame when I was living in the van.  I always tried to hide my free-sleeping and I was pretty successful at it but the hiding made me a nervous wreck sometimes.  When I went to Underearner’s Anonymous they talked about how underearners hide.  It’s true.  I was trying to hide from life.  What I found out was unless I’m going to live in a cave and subsist on berries and whatever wildlife I could catch I’ve got to make money.  Making money and hiding don’t usually work well together.

Working is easy.  Working and being with people can be hard.  I have a roommate and an ever present landlady I relate with now.  It has its ups and downs.  By the way, the person who stole the money a few weeks ago more or less admitted to it so I don’t have to worry about that anymore.  THAT was difficult.

I don’t work with people all day in my little business.  Just a little here and there.  I am going to a free class once a month.  Other than that nothing has changed as far as working with people.  I went to a dancing thing with a friend a few weeks ago.  That was fun but I felt socially awkward part of the time.

I can look a little nicer now.  Sometimes I curl my hair and put on makeup again.  I like doing that.  And I feel a little calmer.  Oh and I am beginning to sleep better.  I am forcing myself to stay in bed longer and get my eight hours of sleep in.  I feel so much better when I do this!

Well I guess that’s all my thoughts for now.  I hope you all are doing well.  Drop me a line in the comment section if you like.

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Update on theft

So things have eased up a little.  Things pass.  I’m taking life one day at a time and even experiencing a little joy along the way.

Business is good and I’m buying things I can’t normally buy, like vitamins.  Imagine that.

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The Theft

Someone stole over a thousand dollars from my landlady and for a minute I was a suspect!  It’s a long story but one of her employees collected money for something in their business and instead of locking it up like he was supposed to he (says he) put in on her desk.  Since I had access to the desk, I was a suspect!

This happened a few days ago.  What madness.  I thought I might lose my place to live.  I was mentally preparing to start sleeping in my van again.

Then it blew over.  She knows her employee did it.  She invited me to dinner tomorrow.  Whew.  That was awful.  I thought, what if she calls the cops to interview us or something?  I’d be so nervous I’d make myself look guilty!  Plus that sort of thing ALWAYS stays on your record even if you weren’t the guilty party.  So, since the way I earn my living requires me to be in people’s houses all the time, usually when they aren’t home…if something came up again…if something came up missing, I’d have this blot on my record and look guilty!

Anyway.  I think it’s going to be okay.  My heart got a a good workout because it was beating really fast all day Monday!  It’s going to be OKAY.

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The Want

Sorry, I’m going to talk about money again.

I am  earning pretty good money now but still dissatisfied.  It’s funny how I’ve changed since I first started this blog in September of 2011.  I just wanted to make enough to survive back then.  I didn’t even care much when my van broke down.  I just rode my bike.

Part of the reason I didn’t want to make money is because I didn’t want to be part of the corrupt money system.  There are lots of websites that talk about how corrupt the world is so I’ll try not to bore you, at least this for this post.

Ideally, I would barter for the goods and services I need but there just isn’t a good system that I know of for that.  So I got free food for a while from churches and a soup kitchen but I found that when you are dependent on others for food, you really limit your choices.  For instance, I have some food allergies or sensitivities.  I shouldn’t drink milk or eat things made with wheat flour.  Sometimes that’s all that would be offered at the church for dinner.  I also really don’t like spicy food.  I’m not accustomed to it, I guess.  But sometimes that’s all that’s offered.  Not to mention, sometimes the food just tasted really bad.  Sometimes it was awesome and the soup kitchen was awesome but you just couldn’t rely on getting three healthy, tasty meals a day.  I’m not complaining.  It’s just that as an adult human being, I’m kind of responsible for making sure I eat to stay alive.

Getting free food messed with my head too.  Being around people who were trapped in their addictions, whether they be substance addictions or thinking stinking(like underearning even)is hard for me.  It’s depressing and I always wanted to help, but couldn’t of course.  I don’t know what kind of ego maniac I was to think I could when I was barely surviving myself!  Some kind of weird super-liberal fantasy or something I guess.

I tend to get involved with the people around me and I made a few friends among the homeless crowd.  Some are very very nice people but they are stuck.  If they were ok with their situation that would be fine, I could accept that but they never were.  With a couple of exceptions, they were miserable and felt terrible about their lives.  But they were stuck.

I saw a few instances where people had a pet that they had no one they trusted to care for so they felt they couldn’t work.  I have never understood that.  Well, I guess I can.  Pets can provide both an excuse not to face fears and go to work and pets provide comfort and don’t require a person to work on their personality flaws and learn to get along with humans.  Harsh?  No just real.

And some people are ok with making due with what others provide.  Maybe they are more advanced than me in that way…no, because if they were they’d be happier.

Anyway, corrupt money system or not, money is how we obtain goods and services in this world so I have to have it.  I want to be able to eat nice food, go visit family if they are sick or just for fun or go take a course to learn something new if I want.  Money is power.  And I guess I want that kind of power.

The hard part is keeping “the want” at the top of my mind.  At the end of the day, after working my day job for a few hours, I don’t feel like doing my side job learning and working.  I just want to read, eat and sleep.  I have trouble motivating myself.  I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to direct my thinking to the things I want in my life, so that I can work to have them.

 

 

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Work is the Answer

I really find work therapeutic.  I get lonely without D around.  I have a nice roommate and that helps.  Taking care of business and growing my business helps a lot too.  There’s always plenty to do.  I mean, it’s overwhelming sometimes.  You pay with your time rather than money.  But I have a good bit of time on my hands sometimes.

I have a facebook presence I’ve been working on for at least a year for my business.  I’m getting to the point where I might be able to earn a little money offering products to my face book friends.  I want to give it a try.  It’s a lot of work though!  You’d be surprised.  The sky is the limit though if I want to put in the work and push through the difficult stuff.

What else have I got to do?  Watch television?  Ugh.

I’m still glad I lived in my van for 4 1/2 years.  I needed to get out of the 40-60 hour week to learn new things and profit off my own labor.  I don’t like corporations having a piece of me.

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Working

I finally got a chair for my room.  I had picked up a desk off the side of the road a few weeks ago but didn’t have a chair.  Today I got a chair.  Now I can sit and type.

Lately I’ve been working on an advertisement to put on Facebook for my business and a landing page.  A landing page is a special website you send people to in order to try to sell them something.(services or products).  It needs to look very professional or people won’t trust you.

It is taking me a long time to finish this up.  It’s harder than you might think. Most businesses hire someone.  Well, I did get someone to make me a photo for the ad.  I gave them the idea and they made it look good.  It was really cheap.  Worth every penny.  Probably took him 10 minutes.  Win win.

I’m a little nervous about putting the ad up.  I’m not really ready.  I’m actually quite busy for August, part of Sept and part of Oct.  So I’m just trying to fill in the empty spots.  I’m afraid I will have more phone calls than I want to deal with if I run an ad.  I might even have to hire someone.  This means, I need to get my business license, now that I have an address.  I’m going legit….very soon!

It’s nice having a place to live.  I can grow my business.  I can sit in my room with my door open, catching a breeze.  It IS a little hot in my room because it’s upstairs.  I have my own AC unit but I don’t run it.  I’m afraid of running up the electric bill.  I’m thinking maybe I need to get over this.  At a certain point, I just need to turn on the AC.  Maybe when it’s 85 degrees.  What do you guys and gals think is reasonable?

I don’t really mind paying rent.  It’s what people do.  And for whatever reason, I’ve picked up 4 new clients since I moved in to my room.  They are all really good, generous clients too.  Is it true that when you let go, the universe starts giving you stuff?  Or is it just a coincidence?  Either way, it makes rent easier!

Thanks for reading!  Don’t forget to answer my question about the AC okay?

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Feeling Good

I’ve been feeling really good lately.  I hope it lasts.

I like shopping for and cooking my own food.  I kind of like cleaning house again.  I’m afraid though, that I’m only enjoying if because it’s a novelty right now.  I never liked cleaning before I lived in my van!  I always liked cooking but cleaning up is a different story!

One only has so much energy.  When I’m done working, doing errands and cleaning up after myself, there’s very little energy OR time for my side/future business.  That’s a drag.  I’m not sure what to do about it.  Hire a maid?????????????  Yeah sure.

Still and all, I’m settling right back in to normal.  I’m the kind of person who doesn’t look back much.  I guess if I let myself, I might miss some parts of free-sleeping.

I liked waking up at the beach.  But I can drive there anytime.  I loved the feeling of waking up from an afternoon nap, under trees near a park.  I have a tree outside my window though.  There are even falcons nested nearby!  It’s neat.

I like having a roommate.  That could have gone either way.  I lucked out.  My roomie and I both try to be respectful and generous with each other.  It’s so great.  We are doing things together liking going to the beach for walk and going to the gym together.  I finally have a gym buddy.  (I changed gyms too, that helped)  Friday is the night when we (usually) sit down for a glass or two of wine together.  It’s relaxing and feels safe.  I really lucked out with the lady.

I have had to say goodbye to my companion of three years, D.  He crossed a line with me and I can’t have him in my life anymore.  Again, I try not to look back…there’s no point.  I have to keep moving forward.  To what?  I don’t know but I’m looking forward to lots of adventures!

 

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Perspective

It’s funny how things change.

I was getting ready to go somewhere in my van today from my neighborhood when I noticed a guy that seemed to be loitering in his car.  He was parked behind my van.  Who knows why he was sitting there in his car.  Maybe he was waiting for someone.

I looked pointedly at his license plate and I wrote it down.  I wanted him to know that I was watching him.  That I had noticed him.

I didn’t even think until later that maybe he was just a a free sleeper like I used to be (around 3 and a half months ago!).  Maybe he just needed a cool place to park so he could nap or read or whatever.  Poor guy.  I hope I didn’t make him feel bad.

I’m surprised at how quickly I’ve adapted to living in a house and how protective I am of my safe space.  I feel a little ashamed that I have forgotten so quickly what it is like to just need a safe spot to park and rest.

 

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